We Only Ever Get To Borrow Our Children

It’s still dark and I am waiting for the world to wake up.

Well when I say I, obviously I mean we, my kids got me up before it was light this morning.


But I love the time before dawn when the silence mixes with the promise and possibilities of a new day.

Where the coffee is tantalising and I just feel blessed that I don’t have to rush.

It’s my favourite time and in these moments I see more clearly than I do when the day comes to clutter my vision.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the strength of motherhood and about needing the understanding and maturity to let go of your children.

Mine are still very little so the thought is terrifying but it is true, we never really possess our children.

We just get to borrow them for a time and give them their wings.

It’s a job and a project but you can get so blissed out with love that you can let them overtake your life and when you do that’s when Motherhood chips away at you.

When letting them take little independent steps can paralyse you…because what will be left of you when they go?

Right now my little Julian promises he will never leave me. When we talk of him getting older and living in his own place he looks horrified. He believes that he will always live with us and always want to live with us but everything he does right now, from brushing his teeth on his own to going to school and making his own friends, is paving the way for him to be able to take an open road. To wherever he wants it to lead.

Knowing that Mum will have his back but not his hand.

But I will be ok. And so will you.

For ultimately growing and releasing beautiful children to the world is just one part of the amazing tapestry that is our lives.

Motherhood can help you find out what lies beyond because suddenly life (your life) gets smaller. Your me time is where the answers lie. Let the swell of love for your children give you buoyancy and the clarity that is needed to understand why you have been put here on this earth.

What creates the most joy for you?

Before we had children our possibilities were endless – creation of our lives was a blank canvas.

I think I was overwhelmed with these possibilites and looked to those who had taken paths before me and just got on theirs. When it didn’t work out I tried another, and another.

But no one elses path will take you to where you need to go.

I find that Motherhood has showed me the way.

By reducing the amount of time I had to focus on myself it suddenly became clear where I wanted to spend my time.

The moments I had to write became precious.

The various exercise classes I was doing boiled down to one – yoga – because I didn’t enjoy anything else as much.

 Reading – widely and without boundaries – became a serious hobby

Travelling with limited time urges you to pick only the best possible places you can imagine and I find that I am turning more to adventurous holidays because it is missing in my day to day life. 

Meditation became essential because it makes me calm, it makes me think clearly and it re-centres me if I lose my balance. 

I hope you have begun to discover what your passions are and have taken steps to make your own path – I truly believe that is the only way our children are going to be able to have the courage and strength it takes to forge their own way in the world. With their lights on high beam.  

We Are Mothers

We become Mothers

and enter a wilderness,

where thoughts,

opinions and life or death action

yield dire consequences

We lose ourselves in

the repetition of drear-dom

and say

‘we never thought

it would be like this’

But Motherhood doesn’t lose you

it shines a spotlight on who you are

Me-time becomes

“this is who I am time” and

we shine brighter

our light pushing through our barriers

When looking into startling blue eyes

makes time disappear

we understand what “home” really means

The drear-dom becomes


it becomes habit

it becomes our burden to bear

For the reward of the forever-love

that we are given

and bountifully receive.

Why Do We Hold On To Our Things? (And How to Let Go)

This blog started out as an outlet for my desire to write. It was a cathartic release to grief after my stillbirth. It then became a tome to the hardships and joy of Motherhood. Evolving, I looked in depth at health and then wrote a book How To Become One Healthy Mama.

And now….

It’s become a partnership in my happiness. I follow the flow of my thoughts and my life and what is really making me happy, in the hope to inspire others to find their own happiness and become content in their own lives. I no longer think I have to write everyday or prescribe to a set “blogging” ideal.

Letting go has been a big part of that.

First I had to let go of the comparisons between myself and other blogs. As much as I tried to write purely factual posts that would hopefully go viral, I couldn’t do it. My personal story and voice is woven through all of my writing and I am ok with that. I know I have a unique point of view and that is what I need to write. I don’t need to do what everyone else is doing.

Secondly, I looked at my life and realised so much of it was about cleaning, maintaining and tidying my things (and my kids things). The frustrations of over-flowing drawers, toy boxes and linen cupboards were taking over my life, making me grumpy and keeping me housebound. These were things I (or my family) had bought and were supposed to bring joy. But too much of a good thing is never good.

I wanted to get out and experience life. I didn’t want to spend time at the shops and I didn’t want to spend my time at home putting the clutter away. I wanted to travel, go on adventures, have thrilling experiences.

But before I could let go I had to ask myself why I was holding on to all these things that were truly holding me back.

1. Guilt. So and so bought me that. It’s not broken so I should really keep it to get use out of it. What if I get rid of it and find out I need it and have to spend money buying it again? That was expensive so I should keep it. My kids made that.

So I bit the bullet and got rid of some guilt items. Then I got rid of some more, then more, peeling them off in slightly painful layers – dropping garbage bag after garbage bag at the goodwill.

I have no idea what I dropped there and the sheer volume of it all is staggering.

It’s so hard to pinpoint at what point we decided to keep so much. At what point we developed guilt over getting rid of it. At which point we decided that if we bought it or received it then we had to get value out of it or use it till it falls apart – when the reality is what happens to the stuff is we store it and forget we own it until we try to get rid of it.

2. Holding on to the past. Yearbooks, teddies, cards, mementos, souvenirs, invites, movie tickets, concert tickets. I know some people will disagree with me here and that’s fine but I needed to let these go. They were in boxes in the garage. I never looked at them but I felt safe and tied to the past with them and I lugged them around with me until I realised that the best thing about those mementos were the feelings and memories that came along with them. They are always with me and a part of me. The love that people showed me in gifting me, writing to me and spending time with me is part of me and the joy was in the moment not in the memento.

3. Keeping up with the Jones’s. I didn’t want my kids to miss out. I didn’t want people to see me in the same outfit. I wanted better branded clothes, bags, shoes – though my heart was telling me they weren’t that original/didn’t suit me/weren’t really me. Don’t get me wrong – I love dressing up and I love nice things. I just want the items I own to really sing to me. To say “this is you, this brings you joy..” So many of my things were just that “things”. I was afraid to pick through the clothes, shoes and bags because I was afraid I wouldn’t have “enough”. But what is enough? I got rid of more than a half of my wardrobe and I still have enough.

The comparison to what everyone has is a natural thing to do. You see it in your kids who want what others have. The challenge is learning the lesson and once learned, the teaching is to be ok with who we are, what we have and where we are in life.

Contentment means that you are happy for the Jones’s but you are just fine. Work on yourself, your own personality, letting your light shine and you’ll suddenly find the Jones’s want to keep up with you.

So as I let go of my physical things I felt my mental and emotional “things” start to shift as well:

I was no longer taking life so seriously

I slowly stopped caring about what others thought about me (which can be a truly crippling condition)

As I got rid of gifts, items that were no longer “me” and old mementos I truly felt loved.  I read volumes of cards where my husband declared how much he loved me and our life together, My family told me how special I am to them, my friends told me about my beautiful qualities which included “kindness and laid-back approach to life” and my children told me I am the best Mummy in the world. The more I got rid of items that weren’t me the more I could see what was me and enjoy them. The gifts I discarded made me feel blessed for the thoughts behind the gift and the joy I had for the gifts at the time. These things are now a part of me and I don’t need the physical clutter to remind me that I am loved, that I am enough and that I am unique. 

Because in the end that’s why we hold on. To reenact the feeling that we had during the experience, that period in our past or with that person. To prove to ourselves that people love us. To feel connected to life.

But by letting go you make room for more and are not held back by guilt or the past or caring what others think.

You become more you.

And it’s a beautiful thing.

So on that note…if someone is telling you they are decluttering, letting go and getting rid of “things” – don’t tell them what to keep. It takes strength to let go and sometimes that strength can crumble with adversity. It is not an attack on you if you keep cards and they don’t or if you have every piece of artwork your child has ever made and they don’t. Don’t judge. Just let them be. And they will let you be. Your judgement of them is only because they have made a different decision to you and you fear they are judging you. They are not. They should not.

Just be and let be.

So my mantras for letting go are:

I received the joy and I am thankful

Experiences not things

Memories not mementos

I am loved

I am enough

I love everything I have

Thank you 

I am grateful

I am moving house shortly and with that move I feel like I am shedding a skin. That this year is about loving who I am and letting go. Moving forward with only love. No longer in fear that people won’t love me because I got rid of their present, stack of cards, keepsakes or am not following the same path/doing the same things that they are.

My big aha moment of this year was understanding that I can move forward without the past on my back, in my garage, in boxes and over-flowing from drawers. I could start again with just my family, friends, the love I have been given through my life and be perfectly ok. More than ok.

I can be perfectly, amazingly, thrillingly happy.



10 Secrets To Being Content, Happy and At Peace

Don’t you love those mornings when you wake up in an exceptional mood?

Last night I was on the couch not feeling great and had to cancel family dinner and got absolutely nothing done. But I needed to rest. My stomach needed a food break and I needed to be in bed.

When I did all those things, listening to what my body needed instead of pushing through, I woke up smiling.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about little things that have made a huge difference to how I view life and the more I view life with an open, contented, happy lens – the more joy seems to come into it.

There are little things on this list that can be easy to do and there are massive tasks, but every one of them has made an impact in my thinking and my happiness.

1. Unsubscribe to sites that will email you “deals” and ask you to buy something. 

The wanting, the needing, the fear of missing out on something great….I get it….but it’s a self-created cycle. When I unsubscribed to every single site that tried to sell me something not only did my inbox clear up and cause me considerably less stress but the wanting disappeared. The fear of missing out went away and the thoughts that I “needed” to grab this bargain, disappeared. You know what’s left? Contentment with what I have. Believe me you will save more money by never seeing these deals in the first place and when you actually need something –  paying full price won’t hurt like it used to because you haven’t bought anything in ages. And the best thing? You will like the item more than the price.

2. Stop watching the news. 

I used to monitor the media as a job. I’d type up summaries of every news bulletin aired which would then be emailed to clients if it concerned or mentioned them. The news is so repetitive that if something is extremely important to know about it will get to your ears whether or not you read it, watch it, listen to it. You know what regular news does? Cause anxiety and worry about things that have never touched your world. By focusing on it it can bring fear, sleepless nights and a general ill-at-ease with the world. Its true that what you don’t know won’t hurt you.

I stopped watching the news about fifteen years ago. When I did this I stopped worrying about people breaking into my house at night, I stopped worrying about strange and rare diseases hitting my family, I stopped the anxiety I had about flying.

The only thing you have to gain by worrying is ill-health. Life happens. Deal with it then.

If its on in my house the kids are nowhere near it – can you imagine their fear when hearing about things like stabbings, motor accidents, death, robberies etc constantly? I did however become an avid follower of E-news. A light-hearted look at celebrities and what was going on with them. I watched religiously for years and you know what happened?

Comparison to my life. Judgement of them. Body image alterations. Aspirations to acquire luxury goods to emulate them.

When I stopped watching this went away and you know what was left? Contentment.

3. Stop gossiping. 

I was never a huge gossip but I did like to indulge now and then. Loved the feeling of being part of something, liked being on the right side of the gossip. Now, there are statements of facts “so and so has a new boyfriend” and then there is gossip “so and so has a new boyfriend and she’s really being fake” or something similar. You know how it works.

You know what I realised? Gossiping leads to ill-feelings about yourself. Did I really say that? Will that get back to them? I’ve hurt someone by saying something I never should have said.

Ill-feelings about yourself are not a cycle that should continue. Most gossip is started because we don’t feel good enough. We like to compare, or make ourselves feel bigger by making someone else smaller.

Not kind.

So I stopped. When I hear it I try not to say anything or get involved. Silence is better than words sometimes. If I make a mistake and find myself dragged into a conversation that shoudn’t be happening I try and forgive myself or make it right. Whatever will hurt another less.

4. Stop Comparing

This is a huge one and definitely one that I am still wholeheartedly working on. Telling myself I am enough when I see a blogger getting huge numbers reading their words. Telling myself I am enough, I have enough, when I see an amazing outfit or a person getting a book deal. Telling myself my kids are enough and are exactly where they need to be, when some other kid their age is swimming, walking, reading faster than they are.

Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and you can’t just choose the best parts of that person and compare it to you and your whole life.

Make your life something you are proud of – not something you think everyone else will be envious of.

I was going to write another point on judging but comparing and gossiping have really covered judgment. There is only one reason for it. You are not content in your own world. Let them be and you will free yourself.

5. Stop Dieting

When I stopped dieting and focused on eating the healthiest meal I possibly could eat each time I ate – I stopped worrying about food. I stopped feeling guilt about food. I stopped thinking about food as an enemy and embraced it for what it is – fuel and pleasure. Yesterday I ate the most amazing ravioli filled with collard greens and done in a walnut/butter sauce. It wasn’t a salad and I didn’t feel like a salad. I chose the healthiest thing that I felt like at the time and I was rewarded. A delicious ice-cream (without numbers but with actual real ingredients in it) is such a good treat as is real, good quality chocolate.

I’m not on a diet. I’m not on one of my “cheat” days when I have something decadent. This is my life and I am choosing to eat good food. I have never felt better and I am never sick with guilt over the choices I am making.

6. Throw out things that do not bring you joy

Declutter, declutter and declutter again. Look around your house and your closet and give. Or sell. Sell for a cause. Sell for your cause. Maybe those designer handbags you never use will give you money towards some awesome accommodation on your next trip?

When I look back at my favourite moments and think about my memories it’s all about places I’ve been, experiences I’ve had and the people in them. Things are just things, although I have spent much of my life pursuing material possessions and experiencing extreme guilt over the money used for them.

7. Start Thinking Of Your Children As People 

We all love our children. We know that every person with a child shares that same unique love you can see your children’s perceived inadequacies as a sign that you are not parenting right.

They cannot right wrongs that have occurred to you. If you wanted to be a musician and your parents wouldn’t let you – sending your child to music lessons when they don’t like it will not fix the problem.

You cannot over-schedule them into being an athlete, musician, academic. Children will find their own gifts and let you know where they want to spend their time. As long as it’s reasonable and safe, listen to them.

Cruel to be kind is not the way forward. Always think from their point of view – would you choose to cry alone or do you like your husband/best friend/mother to comfort you. Do you like being thrown into terrifying situations  – new job, new skill, public speaking…without any empathy, understanding, comfort, coddling?

I have done it – I’ve left babies to cry, I’ve thrown kids into the pool.. when I thought they were being silly and I’ve downplayed how scary “news” at school can be. Each and every time I’ve regretted it. I was either comparing, judging or believing that I was being judged.

In fact every time I yell I try and think about what I could have done better. Children want to please you. They love to be helpful, they love routine, they love to follow lists and they love to know you are on their side and that you understand.

Every day I try and be a better Mother by trying to understand that they are not something I control but someone I can offer guidance and love to.  They are their own person, let them be themselves.

8. Lose the guilt over money

Guilt does not mean that over-spending when you can’t afford it is fine. Feeling guilty doesn’t change a thing. It’s a nice diversion for your brain to avoid the real issue. Why are you feeling guilty? Why did you spend? Why did you choose to spend then beat yourself up about it? Do you not believe you are worthy? Do you not feel enough?

Mostly I was overcome with perceived “need” to keep up with everyone else, to have the latest and the best and to alleviate that wanting for a small period of time. But at the end of the day I didn’t believe I was worthy of spending money on myself and I didn’t believe that I was enough without the things.

When that “want” goes away (for me by not regularly reading fashion magazines, visiting the shops more often than needed and not getting a flurry of things sent to my inbox) the result is peace.

Start by removing the temptation. Work on comparison. Work on self-love. Thank the bill senders in your mind for believing you can afford to pay instead of dreading them and start to change your mind-set.

Love is free. Fun is free. Laughing is free.

Don’t get hung up on money and it won’t get hung up on you.

9. Know that this is a new day

Your past does not define you. Everyday you get up and have the opportunity to be better. Every time I have rehashed the past or used it as an excuse it feels wrong. It is wrong because you change, you grow, you learn and you move forward.

If you are feeling guilt because of your parenting past, your past life and loves or your past way of viewing the world then know that you are growing and that the issues are coming up for you because it’s time to let go and not let them define who you are today.

It is always a challenge to live and let live but work on it and be free.

10. Forgiveness

That rude person behind the counter was having a bad day. Your husband truly didn’t realise he’d given you more than you could handle. Your friends didn’t leave you out on purpose.

Or maybe everything you thought was true.

Either way by holding on to the resentment instead of taking action to rectify the situation you are hurting yourself. You are feeling bad because you are allowing yourself to believe that someone else’s actions mean that you are not enough. You do not feel worthy.

The pesron who truly needs forgiveness is yourself. Forgive yourself for not saying anything, for letting things get like this, for your past, for today, for yelling at your kids and be better.

Forgiveness allows freedom of thought. It allows happiness in and you are not trapped by your own perceptions.

Forgive to let yourself be free and then be honest with who you need to be honest with and move one. With or without them.

These 10 things listed are so important to my well-being and ingrained in who I am that I wanted to share because I am happier because of them. I want you to be happier. I want the world to be kinder. I want people to feel the peace and contentment that I feel and realise that joy is yours for the taking. 

Just a Mum

What If I was just a Mum?

Just a Mum that has kissed you everyday of your life.

Just a Mum that remembers the moment I met you as the most precious one.

Just a Mum that takes you to school everyday and picks you up.

Just a Mum who gives you the best food so that you grow big, strong and healthy.

Just a Mum who believes that the right way to bring you up is to make you kind, thoughtful, smart and generous – by doing my best to be all those things everyday.

Just a Mum who tucks you into bed every night and reads to you – not for your academic progress – but because you love it.

Just a Mum who allows you freedom and space when you need it, not when you want it.

Just a Mum who remembers every touch and smile you have ever given me.

Just a Mum who feels rewarded everyday by being in your presence.

Just a Mum who marvels everyday that you are mine.

Just a Mum who is happiest when you are smiling.

Just a Mum who loves you, no matter what.

Just a Mum.

And that’s enough.

Because I’m not just any Mum, I’m your Mum.

IMG_5900photo 4photo 2photophoto 22IMG_2533IMG_1950IMG_2185IMG_4526birthday

When Life Gets Out Of Balance

For some reason parties stress me out.

So does shopping…and food…and food shopping.

House cleaning stresses me out.

So between home opens, parties, a baptism, kids eating me out of house and home, renovation shopping and dress shopping I’ve been feeling a little crazed.

I’ve searched for an answer to why seemingly fun things are such a source of angst for me and I have come up with this:

There is so little time for me in my week that to add anything extra means my whole life is out of balance.

And I think this rings true for a lot of Mums.

Suddenly I have to skip yoga, forgo meditation and my little lie down during the day, I’m grabbing meals on the run and trying to de-stress using a glass of wine or two.

I wake up thinking about my to do list and go to sleep with it.

I suddenly don’t feel like me.

I’m snapping, not sleeping properly and getting annoyed at the little things.

But what to do?

This is life. There are busier times and there are things that must be done. When I don’t have a baby and toddler in tow I’m sure food shopping and clothes shopping will become pleasurable again. Planning a party when everyone is at school will be easy. Our house will sell and our renovations will finish.


The pleasurable act of clothes shopping with kids

I’m sure other things will come along but what about right now?

Take the week off.

The week after an event for me I always try and clear my schedule. Refuse outings, keep the weekend free, order food online.

So I can chill.

Some people have extremely productive stress-relief power tools – cooking, cleaning, crafting, creating but me? All my efforts are lavished on me from the inside out. And that’s ok because we are all different.

I go to bed early, bunker down with books, meditation tracks and book in extra yoga.

You know what happens?

For a couple of days I feel worse. Post-event stress runs through my body as the adrenalin to “get things done” leaves.

But then I start to smile.

The yelling stops.

I’m back in balance and it feels good.

Do you ever feel this way? What do you do to chill out?

What’s Next?

Life seems to move in cycles.

Study, learn, work. New job, new position, new workplace.

New house, new car, new wardrobe. New debts, need holiday, new guilt.

New boyfriend, new fiancee, new husband.

New baby, new Mum, new life,

New worries, new expectations, new guilt.

But what’s next?

At this time of our lives Mamas, we tend re-evaluate what’s next.

More study? More babies? More possessions? New car? New house? New husband?

Do we begin the cycle again as we re-discover who we are or….are we uncovering her from the layers of expectations that have been put upon us?

Is it time to study or downsize? Is it time to start travelling instead of following in the footsteps of the annual holiday makers you see? Would you be heartbroken if you didn’t have one more baby?

I have so many questions circulating in my brain at the moment searching for answers but they can be summed up in one.

What’s next?

The thing I’ve discovered with life is that the answer does not lie in what other people know or tell you to do.

The answer does not lie in a distorted vision of success.

The answer may not be logical, mainstream or even make much sense but it feels right.

It takes courage, strength and conviction to follow your true path.

What if you already knew you were a success? What if you weren’t constantly striving, trying to do more or imagining how you would feel when you got to that futuristic place that doesn’t exist?

What if you could just let yourself be and be truly content with who you are? What if you gave yourself a pat on the back at the end of the day and told yourself how amazing you are and how well you did?

The answer to your questions lies within yourself and not outside in the world but it’s very hard to shut out all the noise.

A snippet of my questions……

Sell house? When?

Renovations? How long? When? Are they going to look like they do in my head? Is it going to feel as magical a place as I think it is?

Another baby? Yes/No? Could I? How could I not?

I have scattered interests. Is that ok? Can I follow multiple paths and still live out my dream? Writing. Yoga. Meditation. Travel. Motherhood. Family.

How many more possessions can we live without?

Am i chasing freedom the right way?

Ultimately I ask myself this question daily:

Am I Happy?

I get into the present moment and check in with myself.

Am I Happy?

No. What do I need to change? Scale back? Cancel? Get rid of? Do more of?

Yes. Keep doing what you’re doing.

I am working very hard on detaching from the outcome of the questions I am asking. I am trying to let the Universe work it out in divine timing and learn that sometimes there are no hard and fast answers and you have to let go.

Yes I want to sell my house but getting worked up and worried about it isn’t going to sell it quicker….

Renovating a house can feel like treading water somedays but celebrate the victories instead….

Baby or no baby? No decision needs to be made right now….take it one day at a time…..

Follow your interests and the career will follow – don’t push, focus on your family and do what you love…. 

If the possessions are not useful or loved remove them….

Freedom is in the mind….

So how do you get clear on these things? 

Work on loving yourself – stop talking negatively to yourself, practice positive affirmations

Work on knowing yourself – meditate, go for walks alone, 

Work on listening to your body – when does it feel good, not so good, nervous, anxious – why?

Remove external influences as much as possible – turn off the news, remove the negative in your newsfeed, stop asking for so much advice and believe in yourself and your own opinions, thoughts and knowledge.

And really, who cares what’s next when you have today?

This moment, today is what matters.

So quiet your mind and understand that now is where the joy lives.


Don’t Wish Away Their Childhood

When you have little kids it can be tough.

There is not a lot of me time, you can feel frustrated by the dependency and sometimes they may make you crazy through tantrums, sleep deprivation and lack of appreciation for what you do for them.

You may wish they were older already.

You may wish them out of that “phase” they are in.

You may wish that they wouldn’t come into your bed every night.

Stop. Don’t get caught up in the illusion that joy and happiness are in the future. They are right here now.

That little hand in yours. Those sweet kisses they give you on the lips. The way they cling to you because only you make them feel safe.

That is love. That is joy. That is happiness.

Don’t wish that away.

What will happen is that you will look back on these days with wonder. You will be able to appreciate the magic and miracle that is motherhood and you will wish you smiled more and complained less. Held them closer instead of pushing them back to bed. Kissed their tears away instead of telling them to stop it and get a grip.

Last night I was tired. Elijah and Leo had been in our bed the night before. I was squashed between them like a tin soldier and they were only sharing my side of the bed. I had to get up for yoga at 5:15 so that I had time to feed the baby before class.

Bleary-eyed I wandered through the day. My husband had to go out and so that left the bedtime routine to me. I showered them and got them all in bed then visited each of them three times – no one wants to be second last when getting goodnight kisses in my household.

I went downstairs and was cataloging this in my head to complain to my husband later, when I read this:

 I used to spend a lot of my days wishing for the next season to arrive.

I wish he’d sleep through the night.
I wish he was out of diapers.
I wish I had more time for myself.
I wish I didn’t have to spend half my night getting them to sleep.

In a blink, my babies became big boys. They are out of my bed, out of my room, and long out of diapers. They don’t need me to lie down with them anymore. I have lots more time for myself.

Some nights, I kiss them goodnight and go to my room to read, and I think “Ah, this is nice.”

But then there are other nights…

Nights when silent tears hit my pillow as I remember the days when they used to need me.

They need me less now.

Once again, I find myself doing a lot of wishing.

I wish I could hold him all night like I used to.
I wish they were back in diapers.
I wish I could still rock them.
I wish I could go back and do it all again, savoring those moments instead of wishing them away.

The seasons pass quickly, gentle parents. I know some days are crazy hard. I know you’re exhausted. I know you long for a little time to yourself again. It will come.

Today is a miracle. Today is a blessing. This season will be missed when it is gone.

Have a love-filled day. heart emoticon

© Rebecca Eanes 2015

Thank God Rebecca Eanes wrote this and I read it. Thank God I still get to tuck my children in and lie with them at night. Thank God I am smiling right now because I haven’t missed it. I am living the joy that is small children and I am very very grateful.

But how do you get out of that mindset? How do you stop letting the bad cloud over the good?

!. Gratitude – Even in the bad moments be grateful they are healthy, be grateful for their awesome set of lungs and be grateful for those little working legs that get them out of bed again and again.

2. Contentment – Unfortunately the less content we are with our lives the unhappier we become. The more we stop wishing for the future, wanting things we don’t have and constantly complaining about our lot the clearer it becomes that we are so, freaking lucky it is unbelievable.

3. Respond with love – Say you are in the kitchen doing something…..you can snap at them for asking for food again or you can lift them up, pop them onto the kitchen bench and say, “just a minute.” You could let them help. You could kiss them and gently remind them to ask nicely.

4. Empathy – Remembering that they are new to the world helps. Remembering that if no one tells them that the walls are not for drawing on they don’t know. Remember that there is a reason for behaviour, it may be attention-seeking, tiredness, thirst or hunger means you won’t always be so quick to snap. Remember tat everyone needs a second chance, and a third and a fourth. We all make mistakes, especially when we are learning.

5. Be Present. Remember Rebecca Eanes words and remember this post. This is where happiness is. Right now. Don’t miss it.

As I cleaned up Leo’s vomit last night I congratulated myself on not kicking him out of bed the night before. I didn’t know he was feeling poorly and a year ago I would have seen him climbing in as a pattern that may contrinue in the future and put a stop to it. I would have taken him back to bed, despite his complaints. I am trying so hard to parent with pure love and these successes are a testament to the theory.

Today as I sit beside him, his little head resting on my shoulder as I write this,  I don’t care about the plans cancelled, the bath I need to give him to get the vomit out of his hair or the stains in the carpet, all I care about is him.

xxxphoto 1 photo 2

Clutterfree with Kids

I am slightly obsessed with Joshua Becker at the moment. He is the writer and founder of the site Becoming Minimalist. I find his articles relevant and they seem to speak to me on a level that is encouraging and makes the thought of living a life with less stuff pleasurable.

The more clutter I rid myself of the easier my life is getting. I open cupboards and there is space. I don’t lose as many things. I thought I needed multiple of things because I could never find anything but the opposite was true. I could never find anything because I had too many things in general and the things I needed got hidden behind the clutter.

I’m finding that my desire to buy things is not my own decision, it is a decision that advertisers have made for me. The less I read magazines, walk around the shops or check out online sales….the less I want.

Being free of that wanting is bringing me true happiness. My mind is no longer ticking over how to get it, when to buy it, how to find the money I need. My wardrobe suddenly seems full of good options and the more I get rid of the more workable my wardrobe seems. My kitchen is humming from the space and I am getting things done faster. My linen cupboards are no longer overflowing and messy but pared down to essentials and neat….I can find the pillowcases when I need them now.

Freeing myself of comparison to others and freeing myself of caring what others think (this has been a huge process) has allowed me to be more at ease with myself and as I follow my own path I feel more interested in life and more interesting when in company. 

During our lives the need to fit in puts us onto the mainstream path – watch the news, watch this show, wear this kind of outfit, be this kind of successful, have this many children at this age….

We find ourselves concentrating so hard to be who we are not that it takes away our uniqueness….and therefore our interest to other people. By making ourselves the same we fit in but we can never stand out.

So by reading his site I found myself being advertised to…..and he won. I bought his book, Clutterfree with kids. I just found myself wanting to keep reading his words and even after reading blog after blog I still wanted more.

We will always have desire and consumption, we are born consumers, we just have to be more discerning about whether the things we are buying align with our true values or not.

After reading this book I am thrilled with my decision to spend $4 :)

It was advertised at $2.99 but that was american dollars. I bought it on Amazon and just used their kindle reading app on my ipad to view.

I read the 200 pages over a couple of days and found the writing as affirming and interesting as his blog.

You would probably want to read this book if: 

You have an overflowing toy room

You keep everything sentimental and can’t throw away gifts

You need advice on becoming a one income family 

You find packing with kids to travel anywhere a major hassle

You don’t know what to do with the mountain of artwork, school work and sentimental pieces your children bring home 

You can’t find anything in your house

You spend more time cleaning than playing with your kids

Your cupboards are full and the thought of a clean out fills you with dread

Some of the most important parts of this for me were:

  • The concept that keeping everything is the same as keeping nothing. “When everything is kept or everything is displayed nothing is allowed to take precedence, the less important always steals attention from the most important.”

Ask your kids which artwork, if they had to choose one or two, they would like to keep. Then display it proudly.

  • Capture It with Photos – Taking photos of your children holding their work/art will allow you to keep it forever. By having your child in the photo it also allows you a time record of when it was made.
  • Create a memorable souvenir – use the photos to put together a year book for the child. My sister in law actually did this for my son Julian – it is amazing
  • Give them time. Asking your child to get rid of items when they bring them home at the end of the year may be met with resistance – from you and them but halfway through a new term the importance will lessen and you could probably get rid of everything without them minding. Just think if your parents had kept every piece of art and every school book you ever written what a burden that would be to go through and then hard to get rid of. If they had only kept a few special pieces it would be a  joy to look at.
  • Creating an “outbox” where things are stored whilst deciding to get rid of them gives you space to let go. At the moment I have an “out home” as we purged a lot of our things to create a beautiful house to sell at home open. Our new house received all these items and they are stored there for now. By creating space from our possessions, i have discovered that not only do I not even remember what is there but I haven’t missed anything.

So ultimately I want my kids to

  • learn satisfaction outside of the toy store,
  • to be able to help me clean because it doesn’t take a mountain of work everytime,
  • to experience more of nature and friendships,
  • to learn that relationships matter more than things
  • that being an interesting person is more important than having interesting things.
  • to learn the joy in buying only what you really love and being free to do what their heart desires and not be tied to “have to’s and shoulds” in life.

Kids learn from their parents primarily and they learn more from watching and observing than listening to what you say. If this is what I want for them in life then I need to show them.

Minimalism for more out of life. 

Parenting With Heart & Soul

I have loved parenting books and I have loathed them.

Loved because when searching for an answer these books seem to have all the confidence in the world that they can fix any problem. They then spell out the steps for you to take. Brilliant.

Loathed because sometimes these answers go against your gut instinct (control crying anyone?), because sometimes your baby won’t wake up at 7am like the schedule says (and then WTF???) and because sometimes they cause more problems than you had to start with. Plus you feel like a failure if your baby couldn’t follow these simple instructions like all the other babies in the world.

So I’ve thrown them all out because there are no handbooks for babies. They were right when they said they don’t come with a manual. They don’t.

What you can study up for however is a better you.

Imagine if you were calmer. If you didn’t care what other people thought of your “techniques” with your baby. If you could see your child meltdown and patiently wait it out. If you didn’t make their refusals a big deal.

One of my favourite tips for Mums is that most things are just a phase and gut instinct will tell you if something is really wrong. You just need to get quiet and listen to yourself.

I have the happiest baby alive.


Elijah just smiles. Just laughs. Just sits. He is content to just be.

I feel joyous when I see him and am loving taking him everywhere with me.

He is having a phase at the moment. One where he gets up sometimes after midnight and is pretty unsettled till dawn. A phase.

A phase where I don’t try to change my baby. Who knows what is going on – an age for separation anxiety, teething, he has a cold, maybe its too hot.

Instead of trying to change him, I need to adjust me. More rest, remove what I can from my diary, more meditation and more love for him.

It will be over soon and instead of trying to change him I decided to support him in whatever he is going through. That was my instinct and yours may be different.

The big thing we need to understand is that that is ok. We all stumble along blindy on this path of parenthood but we should support each other, listen and not judge. Everyone has their own journey and we all love our children.

I received a copy of Parenting with Heart & Soul from author Kelly Burch the day I wrote this,

The door opens and the stench of chlorine slaps you in the face. The noise level assaults your ears and the heat prickles your skin, opening your pours and inviting immediate sweat stains onto your armpits.

The pram is full, two children in one seat and your other child is trying to drag one side of it to the ground and you struggle to balance it. The massive swim bag on your right shoulder not making the task any easier.

All around you people are talking, cajoling, and pleading with their children to get in, to stay in, to listen to their teachers.

$17 a lesson. This figure imprinted in your brain. Important but expensive…and when your child doesn’t jump in the pool gratefully this figure seems to glow red in your brain and cause a short-out….

Yes. I’ve been a parent screaming at my child to get in. I’ve got my jeans wet trying to cajole him into the pool and I’ve discovered a better way.

A calmer way.

A more loving way.

A kinder way.

Let them be. Be there for them.

Something is spooking them. Something has worried them. Something is scaring them.

Throwing them in and begging the teacher to not let them back out is not getting the results we want.

A confident, happy swimmer who absolutely will not drown if thrown unexpectedly into water.

It took less than three minutes of Leo sitting on my lap until he wanted to go in the pool. Gone is the tyrant I was with Julian, replaced by a calmer happier me – who is not pushing.”

Weeks later when I opened Kelly’s book I saw pretty much the same passage in her book. I believe Kelly and I and our idealistic view of parenting are the same.

I say idealistic because what you think and your actions can at times oppose each other and Kelly honestly admits this in her book.

Tomorrow is another day and you will be one step closer to being the kind of parent you want to be.

Kelly is an EFT practioner. That stands for Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping and is one of the leaders in her field, and mostly aims her technique at Mothers.

This book is less of a parenting manual and more of a “How To” for EFT. Her parenting nuggets in here are gold however and is worth a read even if you think EFT may not be for you.

But if you are curious Kelly has this definition on her website…..

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a method of gently removing blockages in the energy system to improve how we feel. As an EFT Master Practitioner and Trainer Kelly uses Energy EFT, which is focused on the fact that we have an energy body and we are giving our energy body attention (with our energy hands as we tap).

oKelly Burch Energy EFT

* gentle
* powerful
* effective
* transformational
* evolutionary
* easy
* enjoyable

I have a copy of Parenting with Heart & Soul to give away so if you think this sounds exactly like something you need then comment on this post with your favourite piece of parenting advice. Winner announced Valentines Day. 

Can’t wait to hear your comments!!



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