7 Spiritual Laws Of Success

So Deepak and I go way back. I mean, I love him.

Ask my husband.

I spend most mornings and most nights, just listening to the sound of his voice. I’ve spent a small fortune on his meditations and books just trying to glean all the wisdom out of that man.

If you were ever wondering what kind of meditation I do, well this is it.

https://chopracentermeditation.com/store

Every morning I get some wisdom from Oprah and Deepak from any of their 21 day meditation journeys and then Deepak gives me a mantra, times my meditation and lets me know when it’s time to stop by sounding a little chime.

I have my eye on the transcendence trio for Mother’s Day. It’s ironic that I feel like I have my own little transcendence trio at home:)

So the other day I spent another $8 on his 90 page book, The 7 Spiritual Laws Of Success. Now as a very fast reader, short books usually disappoint me.

But this book.

Really this book.

Blown away.

This book is short enough for me to read and re-read and keep the wisdom contained within it, in my thoughts and my mind long after I’ve finished the first read.

So I wanted to share it. I wanted to give this wisdom away because if you are reading this post you probably will get as excited as me.

Because this book is the key to making all your desires come true. It teaches you how to manifest what you really, truly want. Deepak also never makes you feel bad or guilty for having desires like wealth, affluence and the nicer things in life, which is refreshing:)

So I was reading all this wisdom (which I’ll get to in a minute) last night in bed, trying to absorb some of it before I sleep so I can subconsciously become wise overnight (that works right?) and it hit me.

Here I am re-reading this book to work out how I can manifest an amazing book deal, more money, yoga success, the ability to say what I think more eloquently (instead of just writing it), keep my little family as happy and well as they are now when I realised…..most of this manifestation is so that the amazing people in my life will be proud of me.

Because:

I feel like without a book I’m not a writer. 

Without making money from yoga I’m not a yogi

Even though my talent is writing I want more

Even though my family is healthy I am worried about the future

Do you see what is wrong with this thinking? I am coming at my desires from a place of lack, I am desperately trying to do this, not for myself but for others.

I am not being present because during that light-bulb moment last night I was present. And in the present I realised that it’s not others that need to be proud of me, it’s me. I have to be happy with where I am in the present and not get lost in the future. My Mum is my biggest fan, she comments on every blog post that I have and if I got a book deal she would be happy for me but probably no happier than she is now. I’m a brilliant Mum, an awesome wife ( i do say so myself) and in this stage of my life a huge career and lots of time spent out of the home would not be the best idea.

So why am I being so hard on myself? I realized last night in that moment that I am at the absolute best place with everything in life right now. That everything I have, I manifested, and I am so, so, grateful. I feel like I have a purpose in life, I feel happy, I feel abundant and I feel loved.

What more could I want?

That feeling of needing to reach a goal? That frustrated, never gonna get there one?  That is the ego’s need to drive you into unhappiness. You can only ever be in this moment –  happy, creative, free.

But back to my love, Deepak, and his 7 Spiritual Laws:

The laws are explained in detail in the book with the reasons behind the actions below – if you are interested then buy the book, it is one of those books you will just keep for ever. If not and you are wanting to become more spiritual, to step towards your destiny and manifest the life you want, then here are a few of the steps Deepak Chopra outlines in the book.

  • Make time to be silent, sit still and just be, commune with nature and practice non-judgement
  • Bring everyone you meet a gift, whether it be material, a compliment, love or joy. Receive gifts gratefully, whether they are from nature, from loved ones or from the Universe.
  • Witness the choices you make and bring them to your awareness. That is your power, to choose. Ask yourself what are the consequences of this choice and will it bring me and others fulfillment and happiness? Then ask your heart for guidance.
  • Practice acceptance of what is – people, situations, and circumstances. Take responsibility for the situations and events that you see as problems. Do not blame. Relinquish the need to defend your point of view and remain open to all ideas.
  • Find the gap in your thoughts (through meditation), in that state release your intention and desires. Remain in the state of your true self, the self that is not the ego, relinquish attachment to the outcome and let the universe handle the details.
  • Do not rigidly impose ideas of how things should be. Factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient in your experience. Anticipate the excitement that can occur when you remain open to an infinity of choices.
  • Pay attention to what animates you, what lights you up, make a list, ask yourself How Can I Serve?

So there you have it. Some beautiful, beautiful actions to take and some ideas that you can make your own spiritual practice. Like one day deciding not to judge anyone or anything, (it’s pretty hard). The next just realize that everything in your life is a choice, your choice, you are that powerful. Don’t you just love the bring everyone a gift one? You can meet people and just silently wish them love, wish them joy – even people who are grumpy.

I really love the the idea that if it is hard work then maybe it’s not for you. In our society we are taught the exact opposite. Study hard, work hard, relationships are hard, party hard…if it’s hard it just may be the universe whispering to you.

The things that come naturally to you… the ones that you lose hours in….the things that bring you joy….follow that yellow brick road it just might land you just where you need to be xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Of “Those Days”

Last night I was at yoga, the peace descending as we finished our practice and moved into Savasana, lying in corpse pose, reaping the benefits. We were told to empty the thoughts in our mind and then this popped into my mind.

I didn’t find it funny the first time I saw it, but this was my day on Monday so it popped into my mind and I almost burst out into hysterical laughter.

Because Monday was Monday and here I was, once again at peace, and I wanted to tell The Grinch, gleefully, this too shall pass.

Because we all have those moments.

I was day three into having the kids not leave the house because of rain and things to do around the house. There was a lot of fighting, a lot of food-begging, more questions than answers and sometimes, even with all the tools in the world, people need to change their situation.

I tried nature, we went to the park, played frisbee, looked for a geocache (I have no idea and poor Julian was trying so hard) and then the crazy kids just started stripping off.

I took them home and they ran riot outside in various stages of undress, seemingly mocking me. We had an afternoon tea conversation that consisted of only the word “boobies” and hysterical laughter from my two oldest.

So I tried to meditate and was interrupted. I reached out to my bestie texting and venting and desperately searching my mind for a plan to get rid of this mood. Because I found it really hard to be in the moment, feeling what I did. I tried to sit with it, I really did, but in the end it was Chinese food and wine that really lifted my spirits on that day.

And sometimes you just need to do what works.

 

 

 

The Road Less Travelled

One of the greatest truths I know is that our children are not ours to keep. They are not our possessions and our job as parents is to give them  independence and their own set of wings to set off on their journey.

We teach them about life the best way we know how and we move forward, remembering that our life is our life and their life is their own. Through living our own life to the best of our ability, honouring ourselves and what is true to us, we show them the way.

The Road Less Travelled by Dr M. Scott Peck is quite a famous book. However it is not an easy read and Its hard to extract the pearls of wisdom from it, but they are there. The diamonds are in there. I wanted to break it down for you because I find his wisdom truly inspiring.

On the subject of marriage and children he champions the notion of separateness, stating that the problem with our relationships with our children and with our spouses is that we have a want, a need, for them to be like us. We want them to follow the same path, have the same likes, dislikes, interests, thoughts and opinions. We are unconcerned with their spiritual growth and the need to fulfil their own destiny. We just want reassurance, through picking out the similarities, that we are the same, meaning we can predict their behaviour and actions and keep a semblance of control over our lives. Because without that control where would be?

We, in  sense, would like our children (and partners) to be one of the greatest extensions of ourselves. But the reality is to truly know and love someone – you have to let them be themselves.

He quotes the prophet Kahlil Gibran when talking on the subject of parental narcissism,

“Your children are not your children

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself

They come through you but not from you

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you

 You may give them your love but not your thoughts

For they have their own thoughts

You may house their bodies but not their souls

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams”

 On the subject of marriage, he says that a common and traditionally masculine marital problem is created by the husband who, once he is married, devotes all his energies to climbing mountains and not to tending his marriage (base camp) expecting it to be there in perfect order whenever he chooses to return to it for rest and recreation without assuming any responsibility for its maintenance.

A feminine problem is once a woman is married she feels that her goal in life has been achieved. The base camp is the peak of the mountain and cannot understand her husbands need for achievements and experiences beyond the marriage and reacts jealously with never ending demands for more time at home.

 What may make us uncomfortable is that by looking at our husbands and children as separate to us we give them the freedom to leave us. The notion that we have control over the outcome of our lives is farcical but to some extent we truly believe that and by not truly letting others be themselves we can  trap them, boxing them and labelling them for all to see.

“My property. Like me because they like music and books. Tied to me in gratitude for all I have given them and how like me they are.”

Again he quotes Kahlil Gibran:

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love

Let it rather be a moving sea between shores of your soulds

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup

 Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping

For only the hand of life can contain your hearts”

I find this achingly beautiful and can recognize so much of my need for control over life in this. When you give this notion away you don’t lose control, for you never had it.

You need to give to receive, and what you receive is freedom.

 

 

How To Be More You

Watching my toddlers interact with the world is an awe inspiring activity because before they are told how to behave, how to act, where to be quiet, where to tone it down, they are themselves.

But between our soft scoldings and their wide-eyed observations they come to the realisation that the real them won’t cut it in this world. The real them who longs to wear costumes all day, who wants to sing and shout in restaurants, who wants to laugh when they are “supposed” to be serious.

So they start to conform. Little by little they dull their sparkle. They look to others who are getting admiration (maybe an older sibling or someone at school) and they try to be like them. They ask to have their hair cut, wear a uniform, wear matching socks. They ask if “so and so” would do it this way, if so and so would like this and if so and so looks like this.

Because we are hard-wired for connection, we crave it above everything else. We are smart enough, even at 5,  to realise that we could manipulate the situation and get more likes and admiration from people if we layer ourselves. If we also pretend to like this toy, this show, want this haircut.

I thought it was a teenage phenomenon, a problem starting  with celebrities and magazines, where we think that who we are isn’t good enough, but it starts earlier.

A woman came up to me yesterday as I was putting the kids in the car and said to me, “They were just being kids.” Me, in a slightly bad mood, had just released my circus of monkeys into the shops and had lost control of them. Usually I am cool and they are cool but yesterday for some reason I was already slightly hysterical (it may have been due to their fighting and screaming in the car for the previous half an hour) and we went into the shops without my invisible force-field of control that keeps them at least in my vicinity while we were there.

She continued, “Society is not really set up for them.”

I nod, say “It’s been one of those days”, as a way of explaining that they are not usually like this in shops otherwise I wouldn’t have brought them.

So is pressing down on their personalities and what was actually just a bit of fun the right thing to do? Is yelling and screaming and being stricter in public the way to go about it?

We are continually losing pieces of ourselves and the pressure to conform and “be good” can eradicate who we are entirely. Because “being good” and “being kind or true to yourself” are not necessarily the same thing.

Supressing your voice in situations to “not make waves” is a result of “being good”. Not following your heart and instead getting a “proper job” to fall in with societies expectations is “being good” but not necessarily what you should be doing.

I’ve read articles that say that our education system, where we spend hours at our desk and on mats sitting still is not the right learning environment for boys because their energy and focus is not the same as girls. So maybe they are having to conform more and the change is even greater for them.

We are set up to believe that school, further schooling, then a 9-5 (or 7-midnight) job is what is going to make us a success. Get a car loan and a mortgage and you are living the Australian dream.

But are you being yourself?

My dream of being a published author is still out there in the Universe, waiting to be realised, because it is only now that I believe in myself enough to pursue it. Even though I knew from seven years old that it was what I wanted to do.

I’m 35 years old and being “good” hasn’t served my true purpose. Following societies rules and regulations resulted in large debt, obsession with material goods and a 9-5 job I hated but felt trapped because of previously mentioned debt and obsession with material goods.

We think that being harder on our children will make them better people but are we sure?

My beautiful middle child Leo often says to me something that I said to him, “You love me, even when I am naughty.” He says it like he can’t believe it’s true.  Like our discipline techniques are making them misunderstand our unconditional love. It’s important that our children know that we get grumpy, just as they get grumpy, but our love is always there for them.

So are we sure that keeping them in line is what is going to make them the future generation that will heal the world?

A generation of people who are at peace with who they are and understand what their true purpose in life is – and then make that their career. A generation of people who are not bitching and moaning and complaining about the situations they find themselves but are passionately advocating their own choices (without making others feel these were the choices that they should make).

A generation of people that say I am happy, I am at peace, I know that love is something that is found within and given. It is not something that you need to receive to be whole.

A generation that were told, “You can be whatever  you want to be.” but the difference with their generation and ours, is that we will mean it.

Our kids will invent jobs that we cannot even dream of right now because the world is changing at such a rapid pace. The movement of expanded consciousness allowing us to see things more differently (or more clearly) than we ever have.

A life is for living, people are different, there is no right and no wrong way to run your life.

Because it’s getting cool to be yourself. Because it is awesome to be “different”.

Our world of social media is letting us tailor what we see and are influenced by. I don’t know about your feed but my feed is filled with the positive, the inspiring, the delicious and people that promote contentment and joy. It’s filled with my interests – yoga, writing, healthy food, amazing fashion.

This new world and it’s tailoring to the individual is giving “permission” to be you like never before. If you needed that permission slip (and a lot of us do), then it is being written.

Maybe it’s motherhood, or maybe it is this new generation of consciousness allowed by technological advances, but my girlfriends are being more themselves than ever before. No longer do we like the same things, do the same hobbies or have to be with each other all the time. I adore seeing the creative ways they are expressing who they are and they are celebrating who I am.

Our differences are not tearing us apart like we feared they would when we were younger, so much so that we would hide who we are. Our differences are our common thread. We are the same because we are different. Our uniqueness is interesting, special.

So what do we do? Let our children run wild and hope for the best, experimenting with their well-being? Let our two year old dictate with their wants and desires?

Of course not.

It begins with breaking our cultural habit of no. When we notice the good and not the bad it reinforces the good behaviour, on their own terms. If they were kind without you asking, praise their good qualities, if they tidied up or cleaned up after themselves notice.

Don’t you hate it yourself in life where you can do so much good but it’s not until you do something wrong that their is a discussion?

We can be like that with our children.

We can also be like that with our partners. Have you ever told them how to behave? Implied that they, as they are, are not good enough and to change? How many times in that situation had you told them the positive of what they had been doing? Sometimes that behaviour comes out of a lack of love and kindness, not out of “badness”.

In Return To Love, by Marianne Williamson, she says, “There is an old cliché, “You can see the glass half empty, or you can see it half full.” You can focus on what’s wrong in your life, or you can focus on what’s right. But whatever you focus on, you’re going to get more of. Creation is an extension of thought. Think lack, and you get lack. Think abundance, and you get more.”

So let’s focus on the good. My children are beautiful. They play for hours by themselves, they are loving, kind, creative and totally amazing. I can take them to restaurants and I can take them to shops and most people adore the fact there is three of them and they are just so happy. There are not there meekly waiting till I make my decisions and leave they are offering input and commentary and taking the natural joy they have of life.

I don’t want to change that, I don’t want to see their laugh till they cry attitudes being turned around so that they follow me, not daring to misstep. So I need to start learning how to praise them better.

Everyday, for myself and for my children, I want to be better, do better.

So how do you become more you?

Meditate

The Dalai Lama has said, If every 8 year old in the world was taught meditation, we would eliminate violence in one generation.”

But to teach our children we need to model this for them. Peace begins with you. If the only change you made in your whole life was to sit for fifteen minutes and be with yourself, in turn teaching your children, it would change the world.

Meditation is also the singular most effective tool to calm your mind and slow your thoughts. I sometimes refer to it as thought download. Its a space in my day where I hit the send/receive button. I’m refreshing and at the same time receiving inspiration from the gap in the thoughts.

Do what you love: Let them see you crafting, baking, cooking, going to exercise class, writing in your journal, playing board games, taking walks in nature, swimming in the ocean, skiing, reading. Don’t shut them out, let them be a part of it. Every morning when I am meditating the kids wake-up and come in, usually one by one. They come over to me without a word and sit on my lap. I give them a cuddle, whisper good morning and sometimes they stay and sometimes they don’t but they see me commit to what I love and I think that is a beautiful thing. They also see me sitting at the computer furiously typing, they see me heading out of the house with my yoga mat, chatting to people in the organic store about healthy food and fresh produce. I bring them in and make them a part of what I love so that they know it’s ok to do what you love.

Be positive: It’s great to be empathetic. We commiserate with each other a lot and it can make us feel less alone but if on the whole we are more negative than positive then that is what we are going to attract into our life. We keep asking for it. I know I often say I’m tired. I don’t think that is a great mantra to have. I don’t actually want to be tired. So I’m waking up now saying to myself, “I have so much energy!” . When people ask how I am I say that I am great. It’s easy to relate our negative experiences to each other, it’s become custom in our society but lets change that.

Praise everyone: Who doesn’t like compliments and positive word?  Let’s practice it with not only our children and our partners but everyone we meet. Find a genuine compliment and make someone’s day. For selfish reasons of course, because this is going to make you feel good.

Love: Love yourself, love your body, love your laugh lines, the bags under your eyes, your position in life, your bank account, the person that cut you off on the road. Just send out love. The more love we have the more love enters our life. Fill your heart up, open it up again and send that love out into the world.

I think it is amazing that by working on ourselves we can change others. That by being the light we can light the flames of other people.

I know I need to burn brighter and so do you.

Let’s set the world on fire.


 

 

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7 Ways to Make Motherhood Better

Motherhood is hard.

Yes. Well, no.

It can be hard for a couple of reasons:

Your new at it

You are over-scheduling yourself and your kids and there is just no time leftover

You are trying to control everything instead of letting it go

Motherhood gets easier and more pleasurable for me because I’ve been doing it for a while, I refuse to over-schedule and I let it go.

I’ve currently got a kid with his head on my lap begging me for food. Another yelling from another room that he wants to do another activity – with me. My youngest squealing for more breakfast even though he’s had a dodgy tummy for a week.

So I am not living in a parallel universe – I have just taken the time to make room in my life for myself. Because that is the only thing you have the power to change.

Work on yourself. You CAN’T change other people.

I thought I could. I thought you spoke to people, told them how they should behave and that would be it. But no.

You can only change yourself and you change your situation.

But how to change yourself? My change started with the understanding that you get one life to live and if you are not doing what you truly want to do then that’s is your own fault.

That was a profound realisation for me. We don’t get another chance at life. This is it. This is the one life that we get to live out our dreams. What was I waiting for?

When you start to respect yourself, love yourself (warts and all), and accept life the way it is – everything changes.

The way you view the world changes and so everything in your world is different.

One of my dreams was to have children and the realisation of that dream was even more beautiful than I thought it would be.

I could spend the rest of my life moaning about how my “me” time is gone, my house is a disaster and that all I do is run around after the kids but I don’t choose to see that as my reality.

Instead I see my life and my motherhood journey as:

Sweet kisses at bedtime and a thousand whispers of gratitude from their sweet little voices

Sleepy morning cuddles

A house filled with miraculous chaos

Cast your mind back to the time of the birth of your first child and remember that amazing sense of love, achievement, pure joy and super woman strength.

One of my friends Amy Taylor-Kabbaz put it so eloquently when she says, in her new book, Happy Mama, “After the birth of my eldest child Scarlett, in 2007, I stood at the window of the maternity ward believing I was the most powerful woman on earth. Despite the birth itself being far from perfect, all I could think about was how amazing it was that I’d created and birthed a new life.”

Women can create people. Think about how amazing that is. We can grow little human beings inside of us. If that is not the most powerful thing in the world then I don’t know what is.

Getting through a day with crazy children is a walk in the park compared to that feat.

I love the quote by Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.”

It is scary to take charge of your own life. To believe that it is yourself, and only yourself that has created the life you are living now. That each thought, each opinion, decision and conversation has led you to this point in your life. Only you can decide what your life is going to look like.

Do you want to look back on your motherhood journey and be able to smell that baby smell because you were truly present?

Do you want to look into your grown up children’s eyes and see the understanding and acknowledgement of the sacrifices you have made. To see their admiration because you didn’t complain about it because you know and they know that it was a choice?

Everyday I choose to be a Mother of three kids. Whether that day is vomit filled, sleep deprived or filled with memorable moments it is my choice to be here and I am going to love every minute of it.

I will stroke their little foreheads and whisper words of love. I will let them know that it is ok for them to be themselves. Let them know that the world will try to take their essence but that they can get it back.

Because I got myself back -so I know and now they know that it is possible. To make Motherhood better you have to believe in your own power.

If you are not crazed then the days are less crazy

If you are calm then you’ll find peaceful moments.

If you are happy then the household starts to smile

7 Ways To Make Motherhood Better

  1. Spend time with You – Write a list of things you love to do and do them – write down 10 and rotate them
  2. Believe in your own power – remember times that you have felt on top of the world and know that it was not because you got lucky but that you did this, only you. You made a human, you fell in love, you reached a goal, you are just plain awesome.
  3. Make a conscious effort to stop complaining. If you need to vent, vent but do this once and don’t relive it – ask yourself has complaining ever helped anything? Has saying your tired, bored, insane, too busy, hemmed in – ever helped anything? You have created this situation. Own it and find the positives.
  4. Gratitude – just the act of writing a few things down or saying them out loud to your husband or kids can greatly improve your mood and outlook.
  5. Look at your life and remove the shoulds – your kid doesn’t need to go to every birthday party if it is ruining your weekends and family time – they don’t need to do every sport and they certainly don’t need every moment of their time filled up with activities. You could do that for them if it makes you happy and them happy or you could stop all activities for a term and see how you feel, see what changes.
  6. Let go – understand that you don’t control anything. No matter how much you plan, scheme, manipulate…ultimately life will give you what it gives you. I love the concept in, The Untethered Soul, where Michael Singer talks about our past hurts and how we form walls around our hearts and control situations to never let the hurt happen again. He says that it is like getting a thorn and instead of pulling it out we build thicker and thicker walls around it and more elaborate schemes so that nothing touches the thorn. We think that we are protecting ourself from the thorn but what we are doing is letting the thorn control our whole life. Where we go, who we hang out with, how much we give of ourselves. Its actually an insane way to live. He says that every time we get that defensive feeling we should breath and not let our heart close. Whatever you do don’t close – just stay open. Just let the hurt come and go …because it will go, everything changes and nothing ever stays the same in life.
  7. Meditate – The culmination of all these practices is to find your true self and there is no tool that can dig deeper than meditation to find you. Because when you are being authentic, when you are following the path that is aligned with your heart then everything falls into place and life just gets easier. Mothering gets easier. Start with five minutes. Sit with yourself.

So you decide what you want to believe. How you want your view of Motherhood to be.

Hard?

Or Beautiful?

It’s your choice because you are powerful beyond measure.

xxx

 

 

 

I Was There

Today has been a fine day.

You know fine.

How are you?

Fine.

How was your day?

Fine.

Not inspiring. Not exciting. Not productive. Not bad. Fine.

In life we go through cycles where we feel more inclined to get things done, motivated to reach our goals and crave the realisation of our dreams.

Sometimes I feel “fine” for a day, sometimes a week. Usually I start to get a bit panicky and I start worrying.  What if I don’t get this done? What if I never feel inspired to write again?  What if every morning I stay on the couch instead of getting on my mat to complete my wake-up yoga?

The reason for it, I usually find, is that I’m tired and I truly need the down time.

So this time I didn’t panic, I just let the day be.

And on this fine day there were moments I wouldn’t have missed for the world. And that makes it an god-damn amazing day.

I could have seen a lot of wrongs today but I stopped judging it. I let the day be and I tried to stay in the present moment.

In that moment I saw my youngest Elijah dump all of his spaghetti on his high chair an hour after the whole house had been cleaned. The dog had spaghetti on her back and is doing an excellent job of cleaning the floor. For a second I am exasperated but as I look at my other two boys I realise that time flies by. That one moment they are dumping out food and the next inhaling it so fast you don’t even see it.

I don’t remember the last time Leo tipped out his plate, nor the last time Julian did it. Maybe this was the last time Elijah will do that and I wasn’t annoyed, I wasn’t frustrated – what I was – was there.

When I was bathing Elijah I told Leo to get his pyjamas on. I heard him put on a CD in his room and then I heard his sweet little voice singing the words to Puff the Magic Dragon. I didn’t even know he knew all the words. But now I do, because I was there.

Julian cried all the way home from school. He was frustrated with pent up anger and although I’ve thought he has been handling this whole broken arm thing marvellously, I can see it’s getting to him. Desperate for a playdate he’s been asking me if “we are free”. I told him we were today. He got excited and tried to organise a playdate without either of the parents being aware.

I had to explain to him that as I didn’t know the other parent I needed to speak to them first. That’s when he started to cry and kick the ground and grit his teeth and breathe through them with anger. But he let me hold him. He did all this whilst leaning into me, my arm around him.

I could have described my day like this:

Blah

Elijah (not even two) did not have a day nap

Julian cried all the way home

Elijah threw spaghetti all over his high chair and my clean house

Leo spent more time in his room playing than doing what I told him to do

My husbands home sick and I can’t go to yoga

But I don’t.

Because I realise that that’s not what my day was. There were pieces of my day that were unique and special and all about love.

To frame it more positively my day went like this:

I got to spend more time with Elijah playing, I got to comfort my son, see the joy in being free with food, spend more time with my family and rest up the way my body is really telling me I need to. I also got to write and am now feeling the tingle of inspiration.

I write these blogs because  I want to remember this day. I want to remember that there are no good or bad days, only the frame we put them in.

I write because I want to change the world. I want you to read this and I want you to see the good in your day. To value what you have. To witness the immense abundance you have.

Even from the couch. Even from a screaming match with your child. Even from a bleary-eyed stumble to a crying child’s bedroom.

Because that’s what being in the moment means. It means it’s not good or bad, it just is. The more we value that,  the clearer our vision becomes and the more joy we let into our lives.

Let the joy in.

Break the habit of complaining. Of seeing the negatives. Of being so consumed by the past or worrying about the future that you are never truly “there”.

We all are only trying to do the best for our children and being “there” is the absolutely most important thing you can do for them.

Followed a close second by modelling the happiest way to be in the world.

If you do this I guarantee your life will change because there is no negative to being positive.

 

 

 

 

Parenting The Hell Out Of Them

My little boy Julian broke his arm on Easter Thursday. We’d been playing at the park where he’d been climbing trees, poking around in bushes and getting up to his waist (don’t ask me how) in mud.

We walked back to our place and he ran out the back to play in his cubby, yelling for his brother to join him. Leo had already raced in to watch TV and being that they’d had so much fresh air I thought TV was fine for Leo and good on Julian for still wanting to be outside and play. It gives me happiness and joy to see the kids outside and being imaginative.

Julian lured Leo outside and I heard screams shortly after. This is no rare occurrence. Nor is crying, squealing, thumping, bumping or general hystericalness (I know that’s not a word but I like it).

I have three children at some point during most days all of the above occurs. What usually happens is I freeze, my ears prick up and then I do a thorough analysis of the noise.

1. Constant screaming and then stopping (good)

2. Tears then a stomping sound meaning they are coming my way (bad for me but if they are good enough to walk towards me they are fine)

3. Short angry screams (good)

4. Wailing (usually fine)

5. Thumps are fine as long as they are followed by screaming

6. A thump with silence – this can go two ways – they are either so hurt they can’t cry or are getting ready to (bad) or they are totally fine and you just have to listen for the next noise which is usually laughter

My grading scale also changes depending on which kid I think it is. The little one I am still quite protective over, my middle one is a trooper and my oldest, quite the drama King.

So Easter Thursday  was a thump with silence. Then screaming. Lots of tears. He was huddled over near the bottom of the cubby next to the slide at first and then he came towards me holding his arm. Not good and yet I still waited a while (sometimes they can come good) but unfortunately not this time.

We waited for the pizza to arrive (he demanded that we did) then we went to the hospital.

He had fractured his humerus bone – not so funny for him but he was amazing in the hospital – so brave. I hit my funny bone yesterday and I thought I was dying (I know where my little drama King gets it from!).

He spent the first day with his neck down, shoulders slumped feeling down and out. I was going over the what if’s in my mind and wishing it hadn’t happened and then I just gave the worry away. I let it go.

My girlfriend said to me “I was reading an article by Clare Warden the other day and she was saying it should be every kids right to fracture a bone playing outside. So actually it sounds like you are parenting the hell out of Jules”

I loved it. There are so many things in life where you could think – maybe I should have – I wish he’d just have come inside and watched the damn TV but you can’t go back and if you don’t roll with the punches then you get hit.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I truly believe there is no point obsessing over the past or worrying about the future.

I’m parenting the hell out of my children. I’m doing my best. So are you and so is every other parent you know. Lets give each other our support x

Zen Fighting

Hubby and I had a little squabble this morning.

This is kind of how it went:

Him: Blame, blame, blame – refer to past similar situations – future projection about huge catastrophe if he hadn’t brought it up.

Me: Kindness, love, light. Judgement on how totally not zen he is. Then silent treatment for his punishment.

The rest of the day I spent contemplating all the ways I was right.

Julian then comes in (he’s not at school as he’s got a broken arm) and dobs on Leo for opening a pack of water balloons that totally need the instruction.

Me: Leo!!! Blame, blame, blame -refer to past similar situations-  future projection on big impending catastrophe where no one gets to play with balloons ever.

Me: (silently) Fuck.

Spend the rest of the day contemplating how much more zen I need to be and how big my zen ego is about it all.

Have big hugs with everyone and admit to random shopkeeper that I lost it this morning because I couldn’t keep the guilt in.

Get to the end of the day miraculously without my wine crutch and am sitting at the computer.

Leo gets out of bed for the first time of the evening and comes in to tell me he’s scared – he says this as he looks around the room for something interesting to do.

Leo: Can I put on this?”  Puts rolled up yoga mat on arm.

Me: No.

Leo: Its my heavy arm not my little arm. So can I bring it in (to bed)?”

Me: No.

Leo: Mum?

Me: Yep?

Leo: “I love you (sounds more like I luv chu)”. Heads off to bed without a second thought of being scared.

Me: Me too buddy. Me too.

We hoard resentment. We hoard wrongs. We hoard past hurts.

But kids don’t. They move on. They open their little hearts up and keep them open until someone tells them not to.

We have so much to learn from our children and Motherhood is just the most amazing course you will ever take for your own personal growth.

Kindness, love, light:)

 

The Mistakes I Made With My Third Child

As parents its certainly easy to see your children as your own little, snuggle-buggle teddy bear but in reality, we are supposed to be teaching them the life skills they need to develop into strong, resilient, open little characters. Kids who know that love , structure and independence go hand in hand.

My gorgeous, smiley, little Elijah is my third boy. A truly beloved addition to our family. His brothers adore him, his Daddy dotes on him and when I see him I feel like I am truly watching joy in action.

Last week I called Ngala. The 11:30pm and 3am wake-ups plus the 5am get ups were getting me down. He was getting up as much as a new-born and he’s almost two. The day he got me up at 4:30am when I was flying to Broome that day was the final straw. As I gleefully and apologetically handed him over for the weekend to Mum and Dad, I knew it was time.

We had to get rid of our excuses. He had silent reflux, he had a cyst on his tooth, he had an earache…looking back, a week after we implemented changes and three days after he has started peacefully sleeping through the night, I believe that he might not have felt that pain if he had learned how to settle himself in the first place.

I don’t begrudge him one minute of my time however, I just hope that in doing what we thought was best for him, we didn’t cause him more pain.

I don’t want to make mistakes with my children. I don’t want them to bear the burden of my own inadequacies. I don’t want to send them out into the world with scars that say “didn’t spend enough time playing with me”, “didn’t teach me how to ride my bike”, “I can’t do laundry because Mum always did it.” –  but the pace of our lives and our own hopes and dreams need to figure in there somewhere.

So the result is compromise. But the answer is always love. As long as there is love, kindness, vulnerability, apologies and togetherness then there is happiness.

That is all I have seen from my little Elijah. Happiness. Pure happiness.

Isn’t that what matters? The mistakes, the worrying, the upsets, the indecision all boils down to one thing.

Our hope for our children is that they are happy human beings. Good human beings that will follow their hearts to the life that is right for them.

I have to admit that we parent all of our children differently. Because they are all different characters and as we grow as people we learn and we evolve. Daniel and I are also vastly different parents but the theme and the thread connecting every decision, every wrong step, every blunder is love.

Whatever kind of parent you are, whatever mistakes you have been blaming yourself for or are worrying over – forget them. Just give them love and they will bloom like the spectacular flowers they are meant to be.

Mistakes are not really mistakes because there are no mistakes in life. Because to stand up after you fall down means you are learning, getting stronger, and cracking open your heart that little bit further with understanding.

Don’t worry that your children will “blame you” because as you learn, you teach them independence and eventually they will understand that they cannot be completed by you.

They are an ever-revolving work of art and they are the ones that need to paint in the blank spots with there own self-love, understanding and insights. They are the only people who truly understand what they need and their life is a gift to bring all of that to themselves.

Just give them love. Give yourself love. Surrender the rest.

How To Find Magic In Your Life

I went to see La Soiree on Friday night and  I was in absolute awe of the acts and what they could do – from just getting up in front of an audience and being funny to hula hooping with their legs, to blowing smoke into bubbles.

I just thought,  “Thank god they followed their curiosity.”

Thank god that they didn’t pack in the bubble blowing when they were five, or give up hula hooping when it was no longer cool to do it in high school. These amazing people kept pursuing what they enjoyed, what they loved to do and the result? Not ridicule, not embarrassment but inspired awe from the audience.

As we stared at these passionate people doing what they loved it gave us a feeling in our stomachs that we were watching magic. That right here in front of us were people pursuing their destinies, one passion at a time.

Why do we give up the joys of childhood?

At what point do we pack away our bikes for good, put the hoop in the Good Sammy’s bin and stop doing handstands?

I was at a yoga class on Thursday and 90 per cent of the people in the class couldn’t do a handstand. As someone who loves handstands and who did gymnastics as a child I don’t find it hard but I bet as a kid they did this too. They would have spent hours upside down, walking on their hands and showing off to their parents and friends. Having competitions to see who could do it best, stay up the longest…but then we forget to play, we forget how fun it is and the ability is gone.

The magic that is sprinkled over us in childhood that claims life is wonderful, life is for play, you can do anything you want if you try hard enough, disappears.

My little boy Julian learned to ride a bike last week and all I could think was, “He is so brave.”

He didn’t even think about the fact that he didn’t have to do it. It was scary, exciting and something he just had to do. He fell off and you could tell it hurt but he got up, time and time again, with a determined smile on his face.

I am in awe of him. I am in awe of my almost two year old who took less than a week to learn how to sleep through the night. If only we’d taught him sooner! I am in awe of my four year old who scootered off to school today and only last year claimed his legs were much too tired to do the same thing.

We learn. We grow. We believe. It happens.

It’s still happening to us. Even though we are older. Even though we are no longer children and maybe do not believe in the immense possibilities of life anymore.

But we should.

We should always be learning.

Always be trying.

Always be inspired by something. Even if it’s small. Even if it seems silly, or embarrassing or age inappropriate.

At the start of Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic. She writes that she is most inspired by a friend, who at the age of 40 decided that she would start figure skating again, just like she loved to do as a child. This friend didn’t make any other radical life changes, no job quitting or spouse leaving, she just decided to get some joy back in her life by doing something she loved.

Follow your heart. Follow your curiosity. Follow your joy.

Let it lead you. You don’t need to be the best, be a professional at it or even be good!

Just show up.

10 “Silly” Things to Try

  1. A”bombie” or dive in the pool
  2. Ride a bike “look no hands”
  3. A handstand, cartwheel, round-off, the splits
  4. Spinning round on metal bars
  5. Ice-skating
  6. Catch bubbles
  7. Hula Hooping
  8. Back flips into the pool
  9. Racing someone – running, swimming, riding, swinging
  10. Anything at all you loved as a kid

 

10 Reasons To Do Something “Silly”

  1. Your kids will love it
  2. You will feel exhilarated
  3. Embarrassment is trumped by joy every time
  4. To laugh
  5. To reconnect with your inner child
  6. To inspire your children
  7. To make mistakes and laugh them off
  8. To feel free of societal restrictions
  9. To inspire yourself out of your comfort zone
  10. To foster curiosity

 

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