Is Everyone Laughing At Me?

I had a beautiful spa treatment yesterday. Along with my facial I had a Chakra cleansing massage.

An intricate dance of meditation techniques, energy assessments, massage, oils and crystals placed at the energy centres, our seven chakras along the body.

Her original assesment was that my solar plexus chakra,  throat chakra and third eye chakra were unbalanced and that’s what she would focus on.

She asked if I felt restricted in my personal power in anyway, unable to speak my thoughts and opinions and if I felt restricted in my ability to be intuitive about my own life.

I’m a bit of a thinker and I don’t react particularly fast to assessments like these. So I just hmmmed and slightly nodded my head. She probably just thought that I thought this was all a bit crazy and woo-woo but I was searching in my mind and heart for links to these things she was saying.

I was so relaxed and grounded afterwards, it was a beautiful treatment. I tried to concentrate on being in the moment instead of floating away with my thoughts and I was somewhat successful.

Afterwards during tea she came over to me and said that she felt something that she needed to say during the treatment.

She said, “I felt like you feel like everyone is laughing at you.” I hmmmed and nodded slightly and gave her a quizzical look. She then said, “I just like to tell clients if I do feel anything in case it resonates.”

As I do, I thought, reflected, meditated and now am writing on this thought.

Do I think that everyone is laughing at me? Is this some crazy psuedo-psychic message that she tells everyone or does this feel  true for me.

You know what?

I think she’s right. And I’m feeling this in my solar plexus area right now as I write this. It kind of hurts.

I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be light and free and not care what anyone thinks.

But I think it’s true.

I think that each step out of my own boxed in way of seeing the world that I may be laughed at.

I hid my meditation for a while, even in my own home. I didn’t want to be laughed at.

I read three entire books on the weekend about feminine vs masculine energy and I didn’t say a word to anyone about it even though I’m fascinated with the topic.

Sometimes I write posts where I feel so exposed that I am just waiting for a comment saying, “C’mon, do you really believe that?That’s not true.” Except it hasn’t happened.

Each step further out of my own boxed in life has led to me feeling more and more like myself and people accepting me unconditionally.

But that fear. That deep feeling that I will be laughed at persists each time I step my toe over the line of “normal”.

I am different. I am unique.

I wouldn’t want to be anything else. But it’s scary putting yourself out there isn’t it?

It’s scary trying to forge your own path instead of following everyone else’s.

I literally finished a video on how to sharpen your intuition and really tune into yourself the morning of the treatment. I went to a speech coach to ask for help on a presentation I’ve got coming up because even though I am confident in writing what I am feeling, I don’t seem to say what I want to say.

But this fear that is hampering my intuitive thoughts and constricting my ability to speak my truth is coming from lower down. It’s coming from the restriction (that I have put on myself) in my own personal power. Because of fear. Because of fear that I could be laughed at.

I love uncovering this stuff because once its come to light at least I can work on it. Be more conscious of the fact that this is all a little ridiculous and so what? It shouldn’t affect me that people think I’m different. It shouldn’t stop me from being my true self and doing the things I want to do.

So I’ve got work to do.

I’m writing this because maybe it will also resonate with you. Maybe you have had situations in your life where you just didn’t do what you want. Out of fear.

Fear of failure.

But ultimately fear of failure is scary because you fear if you fail you will be laughed it.

That wouldn’t be nice, but in the majority of cases it wouldn’t even be true!

We need to be brave. We need to be in the arena.

As far as I know I don’t even have any critics. I have these phantom critics I have made up in my own head to stop me from personal growth.

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite author’s Brene Brown.

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How To Practice Extreme Self-Care As A Mother

As an avid blog-reader, webinar follower, podcast enthusiast I used to practically salivate over the opportunities that the younger generation have at getting to do things for themselves.

These beautiful morning routines, setting up their own internet business and working from home or the beach, going to yoga every morning, travelling to amazing places by themselves, going to spa retreats. Travelling to the farmers markets on a vintage bike without millions of children in tow…..

Totally. Green. With. Envy.

Am I right?

What us Mother’s would give to go back in time and take our butt to an exercise class, get work we enjoyed before we were tied down with a mortgage, start our day with beautiful rituals that nourished our body, minds and souls.

Where were our inspirational role models in our 20’s??

Anyway…enough of the complaining, reflecting, and wishing our lives away.

We can do all these things.

Now.

Without leaving our children.

Without leaving our lives.

How do I know?

Because after spending a few years wishing I could turn back time I decided to be pretty damn grateful about where I am now.

With my sexy husband. My trio of boys. My wonderful home. The holidays we get to go on. My family. My crazy social life. My deep friendships. The champagne I get to drink, the yoga classes I attend, the conversations I have….everything brings me deep joy but it’s hard to remember that when you are yearning for something else. When you are distracted by someone else’s instagram and not your own.

I wished I could meditate every morning.

One day I just stopped wishing and took action.

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I mean sometimes my morning meditation looks like this……

But other times it is silent and beautiful. It doesn’t matter. Each day I get out of bed, make myself a coffee, pop the kids in the playroom with some food and hit the meditation cushion. Whether its 5am or 7:15 when I roll out of bed, the meditation gets done and so do the lunches. Somehow. You have to believe that it can happen and it will.

So I could do that….but I really wished I could start my day with some yoga too…because the rest of the day seemed to run away from me or my energy would wane…..so I started practicing at home with some cool music.

 

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And you know what?

Whether I get up at 5am or 7:30 everything still gets done and you know what? When we are a couple of minutes late to school….the world doesn’t end. Funnily enough it’s usually the days I get up at 5am that we are the latest! I overstretch and get the house clean and think I have tonnes of time.

The morning routine sets me up for my day. I feel accomplished already. I feel centred. I feel taken care of.

I also leave the house showered, with make-up on, hair done. My three boys (mostly) looking somewhat respectable. We walk to school and the dogs get exercised.

We have started pocket money in our household and now my six year old unstacks the dishwasher, feeds the dogs and he and my four year old clean their rooms and are supposed to make their beds. They can also make their own breaky (quality bread with organic peanut butter), take and wash fruit from the fridge, brush their own teeth and be in charge of getting their hair done. I’m about to show them how to use the washing machine – wish me luck!

When we teach our kids these things then we are giving them independence, a chance to earn and respect money (my son definitely knows how much footy cards cost now and how hard he must work to pay for them!) and a bit of resilience. Their pocket money amount is determined by me and how many tasks they completed that week as some weeks they will refuse to do things and I have to pick up the slack. They are always regretting their actions on pocket money day!!

My two year old obviously is still very much in need of me to dress him, help him with his teeth and breaky but he is getting to a beautiful independent age and I need to take advantage of that to start setting my life up the way I want it to be.

The way I have been yearning it to be yet it felt out of reach.

I’ve started training as a yoga teacher so that my dream of having a fulfilling, inspirational career can be realised.

No more “have to’s” in my life.

I truly believe that what you focus on expands. So all those times I was focusing on others it all felt out of reach.

But now that I am focusing on me, on what I want…it’s all unfolding.

What about those beautiful trips that was envious of??

We leave for Europe in two weeks. The trip that we are doing we did with the same two couples 14 years ago and this time around we are doing it with our families, all 14 of us.

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I think round 2 is going to be so much better. I think our appreciation for all that we have and the sheer magnitude of this undertaking will make us so grateful for every moment we have together.

If the children scream – well it’s a French restaurant they are screaming in – how lucky are we!

If my two year old has a sugar-based tantrum and is face-down on a disneyland floor … we are still in Disneyland!

If the Club Med really is the worst in the world – then we will still be in France, still be poolside and still have our children having fun in kids club!

And if high tea at the Ritz in Paris or my spa treatment in Provence is interrupted with a children-based question then there are much much worse places I could be interrupted in.

So Mother’s out there – what are you waiting for? Your life, the one you really, truly want, is waiting for you to go and get it.

Be grateful. 

Focus on you. 

Prioritise what is important. 

Live your dreams. 

 

 

The Parent I Want To Be

I am always learning.

Sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable when you realise the chasm between who you are now and where you want to go.

I’m reading a book called Conscious Parenting by Dr Shefali Tsabary at the moment.

I don’t read parenting books that tell me when my children should go to bed or what routine they should follow but I do read anything that can point the way to growth of who I am as a person and who I am as a Mother.

Conscious parenting is about parenting from love not fear. About a month before reading this book I wrote this post called F**K We Are Parenting Wrong which pretty much sums it up.

That was the moment I realised I was parenting out of fear of who they would become if I failed them. 

I was parenting out of fear of how they would behave if I didn’t pull them into line

I was parenting out of fear that they would not represent who I was as a parent 

I was parenting out of fear that they would show the world my mistakes

Instead of fully loving them for who they are now.

Instead of finding solutions together.

Instead of giving them respect and asking them questions about things I would bend them to my will, right or wrong.

And then I’d feel guilt. For the parent I knew I could be but wasn’t. That makes me feel helpless and fearful and the opposite of that is control.

So the next minute I’d try to control – helplessly failing as doors slammed and tears poured out, mine and theirs.

Conscious parenting is about giving children boundaries and freedom. Asking them opinions on rules that are not so important and making sure that you are following through on rules that keep them safe and function as a respectable member of our culture.

Being the authority when you need to be and being consistent.

God I’m not consistent. I constantly go back on my word, throw out bribes and throw up my hands in despair shouting, “Fine just have your way!”.

I am tired. This motherhood thing can pull you under some days. My husband and I laughed last night and suggested we needed a live in psychologist – what do we do now? In this situation? For this particular child? What worked in the past is no longer working!

I accept where I am. I am grateful for all Motherhood has taught me but I want to work smarter not harder.

The parent I want to be has more respect and in turn respects my children more.

The parent I want to be encourages my children to pitch into the family more. To determine solutions to the problems we are having. to let them have a say. Because then they are invested. Then they are valued.

The hierarchical model of parenting works great if you want rebellious teens or well-behaved kids that feel like they can make no decisions for themselves.

I want my children to have boundaries that allow them freedom to be themselves. A respectful, peaceful household full of fun and laughter and sharing of the workload.

I am writing my wish list to the Universe and hope for the grace and growth necessary to make it happen.

 

My Heart Hurts

I made a mistake today.

I looked away from my children at the park today for 30 seconds and my little one was gone.

In the ten seconds it took to ascertain he wasn’t close to where we were, real fear set in. A coldness spreading throughout my body and my heart was jumping out of my chest. I started shaking and god-awful scenarios ran through my brain.

We found him within 30 seconds, at another playground, but I honestly didn’t think his little legs could get him there that fast, which is why I overlooked going there first.

I don’t know about you but I have a terrets-like tick that makes me look up every 30 seconds to find everyone of my children whenever we are out and about. I am constantly making sure they are safe and close by.

My child got away from me today but I don’t doubt for one second the love I have for him or question my ability to be the best parent I possibly can be for him.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever made a mistake that thankfully did not turn out the way it could have?

It’s not the first time I’ve made a mistake. It probably won’t be the last.

Which is why this Gorilla thing is hurting my heart so much. When an outpouring of love and compassion is needed for these poor people and this gorgeous animal for this awful mistake, a mob-like hatred has set in on keyboards across the globe.

I don’t watch or read the news but I couldn’t miss the sharing on my feed and or miss the comments I could glimpse before looking away.

Last week a good blogger friend of mine, one of the kindest, biggest-hearted person out there had a group of keyboard warriors attack her. Her person, her business, her children, nothing was off-limits.

They were sent over to her site by a site that has over 80,000 followers, just waiting to hear the latest sarcastic slant on something done by a business or someone online.

I know that the world does not always consist of goodness and light – but is it getting worse?

I do my best to promote kindness, compassion and love but things like this hurt. We are not doing enough to change humanity. By jumping on board our computers and making a horrible comment we are hurting real people.

We are so full of fear. We jump on every person’s mistake like we make none of our own because I guess we are just so thankful it wasn’t us, that we remove ourselves from even imagining how it would feel to be that person. Because that person would be so full of hurt and pain that it is incomprehensible to us. We run away from that pain and by throwing these stones away from ourselves we believe our glass houses cannot be touched.

We are so scared of different because it means that our values and opinions are under threat  and could possibly be perceived as wrong. Because our ego is so huge that we couldn’t deal with the pain of wrong. We couldn’t possibly admit that another person has a right to a different view point because we are scared of what that would mean to let doubt in. To question our righteousness. To let understanding and compassion in.

Because then you suffer.

And your heart might hurt like mine.

But love is always the answer.

And fear is always something you deal with.  Fear is not something you put forth into the world.

 

 

 

Mums Just Want To Be Appreciated

Did you read that hilarious post by Brad Kearns about being Mum for the day? It was so well written, hilarious and right on the money, but you know what I, and probably most of the Mums out there, loved the most about it?

The perspective it gave him to appreciate how hard his wife works.

When your life revolves around the washing that never ends, two – three dishwasher loads a day, endless toys to clean up, cherubs to bath, bums to wipe, food to give out, night waking, kids to put down for naps and beds to make…. well there’s just not a lot of fun in there. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

So if you get the “lucky you”  eyebrow raise when you say you went out for coffee (with screaming children!) well….I mean… you just want to hit them over the head with the frying pan.

So why is there such a lack of appreciation in homes around the world regarding a Mother’s work? When we would just like some thanks, some gratitude, some “I see how hard you work honey” comments, – why don’t we get it?

  1. A lot of it goes unseen – I don’t know about you but I work like a banshee to get things done so I can relax. This does not always work as seemingly the work never ends but a lot of the time my husband can miss the vast amounts of work that is done because I get it done so bloody fast and efficiently.
  2. Maybe a bit of jealousy – there is a bit of FOMO going on in parenthood. We would all love to be there for the milestones, for the cuddles, for the kisses and long to be “the favourite”, it’s just when the hard stuff comes round some parties are quick to beg off duty…
  3. Perceived freedom – There is a certain freedom in being able to structure your day the way you want but the reality with children is that plans change, things can seem just out of reach (ie yoga class) and you haven’t had a minute alone since number one came along
  4. It’s not a habit – gratitude for what we have in our lives is not a practice in a lot of households and even if it is, it’s probably not detailed enough. Saying you are grateful for you husband or wife is great – but what exactly are you grateful for? How many different things can you list that really make your life so beautiful?
  5. Sometimes when we hear it – we won’t accept it – and that’s about you. Maybe your tired, fed-up, have let everything get to you and now that you are getting what you want – well it’s just not good enough.

But in their defense when we scream, “You do nothing around here!” it’s not always true. My husband works hard, is there for the times that count and if asked directly will do anything I ask.

Sometimes you just need to speak up.

So when your feeling under-appreciated you need to do two things – start sending out some appreciation first (lets be adults here) and speak  up about what you are feeling resentful for.

Just remember to appreciate what you have. Appreciate the now. Appreciate the special people in your life.

Send out more love and you will get it right back.

xx

Dreams

A snail’s pace of change, winds its way through the world

Time never demanding anything from anyone

The world waits as mind’s open up, receptive

We talk but we don’t hear

We laugh but we don’t connect

We eat but we don’t taste

Wanting

To feel as if we did when we were children

Present

Alive

Possibilities abounding

We can be whoever we want to be

And yet we aren’t them

So we read and we laugh and we we eat and we cry

Waiting

For the world to tap us on the shoulder and make us change

Our inaction, causing refraction across the Universe

As nothing happens

But the light comes back to us

Again and again,

Hopeful.

Childhood Freedom

My kids need time amongst the trees.
To hear the wind whispering to them, the leaves enticing them and the grass supporting their growth.
Too much of this world has been created to move them out of their essence.
To designate safety over exploration.
Security over freedom.
Fear over love.
We need to give them back to the mysteries of this world that created them.
Stop defining and assessing who they are and where they will go.
Trying to guess who they will be.
Control the outcome.
They are as free as we are restricted.
They see clearer than us.
They delight in the smallest of wonders and we move them on.
Tell them of its unimportance, and though incredulous, they start to believe us.
We turn them into the adults we are.
Not the ones we could be. 

 

 

 

The Story I Am Telling Myself Is….

Have you ever been reality checked?

Have you ever been hell bent on your version of an event and then found out you were wrong?

How did that make you feel?
Silly. Stupid. Small?

You know what? We make up stories more than we’d like to think. And you shouldn’t feel silly, stupid, small because everyone is just doing the best they can with the knowledge they have.

I was under my covers last night, with my iPad. My two year old had his feet on my back and even though it was just him an I, I had about an inch of the bed. My back and neck have been killing me this week because of an egoic yoga injury (I pushed myself to do more than I could) and I am paying for it. I was uncomfortable, a little bit cold and slightly resentful that he was there again.

But I couldn’t move because I was gripped by the book I was reading, Brene Brown’s Rising Strong. In particular, a sentence that she references as life-changing, mind-altering and love-giving.

In a vulnerable moment with her husband, Brene took a deep breath and said (and I paraphrase) , “The story I am telling myself is that you brushed me off because of the way I look in my speedos and because I can’t swim like I used to, I’m getting old.”

There was no reassurance from her husband who was battling his own insecurities and struggling to tell her what he was really thinking, which was, and again paraphrasing, “Later when we take the kids out on the water with the boat I don’t know if I am strong enough to save them all if we get into trouble and you will think I am weak for believing that.”

Mars VS Venus right?

But that story I am telling myself line really resonated with me because I see it played out constantly in my marriage. My amazing husband often looks at me incredulously when I tell him what I am really, really thinking. I am ripped open and vulnerable as reams of self-doubt, insecurity and feelings of not being enough come to the surface.

And he’ll say something like, “But I was thinking about work the whole time. I didn’t realise that because I was so off-hand this morning, you thought that it meant our marriage was over, had been weighing the benefits of counselling vs divorce all day and that only three glasses of wine could help you off that ledge.”

And then the story changes.

“He thinks I’m an alcoholic, neurotic, nutbag – obviously.”

But no, that is the story I am telling myself because I am not letting my heart crack open wide enough to let his love in. Because in this moment the ultimate story I am telling myself is that I am not worthy of love.

That depth of understanding is horrifying because I will immediately start criticizing myself, “Who am I, with my great family, amazing friends and loving husband to think that I am unlovable?” when what I need for myself, right at that moment, is intense self-compassion. I need to give her a giant hug and figure out what is I need or has been depleted in me to be feeling this way.

Do you see?

We are doing this to ourselves. All these stories we are telling ourselves are trying to protect us from the ultimate vulnerability of saying what we really think, what we really mean and come back to our own worthiness.

What are we not giving ourselves that we really, really need? Other people can’t give this to us.

 

Do you need to set boundaries? No I won’t be on that committee because I will sit there the whole time resenting the time it takes away from my family, fun stuff and you. No I can’t do the dishes tonight, again, because I will sit there and seeth that you should have done them. Yes I will be going to yoga, I understand that that inconveniences you and I am sorry, but we need to start wanting allow each other to do these things, without resentment, for our own happiness.

Do you need a little more self-care? Are you feeling unlovable because you haven’t spent any time on yourself? Not got your hair done, bought any new clothes or made an effort? Haven’t exercised, spent time alone or gone out on a girls night?

Do you need some perspective? When we tell ourselves these stories, the scariest, most vulnerable thing you can do is tell another person the story you are making up and get their take on things. When you start a sentence with, “The Story I am Making Up is….” it gives other people permission to see the other side and talk it through with you. If you tell them what you think then they feel that they have to be either with you or against you.

Cracking ourselves open is intensely frightening work but the reward is happiness, openess, and a new understanding about life.

The question, “The story I am making up…” gives us permission to be free from the constraints of our mind and get some real awareness about who we are.

It also lets us get to the crux of what is hurt within us, what is wounded, what needs to be addressed so that we can move forward.

Stronger than ever.

 

 

F*#K. We Are Parenting Wrong.

We are parenting our children out of fear of failure.

We don’t want to be the parents that f*#k up. The ones who have children who are bullys, addicts, no-hopers, depressive and anxious. 

We want our children to be our most glorious representation of who we are. We want to show the world we have an A+ in parenting skills by producing a smart, extra-curriculared, popular child. An athlete, a math whizz, a literary genius.

We want our children reading from two, we want them wielding a golf stick by three, we want them counting, singing, tap-dancing, scoring goals, playing scales, play-dating, behaving with impeccable manners to show off who we are.

Because we are scared that if we don’t. We fail.

We are media scarred and success-focused.

Two problems with this:

1 – the media scarring is because we let what it says affect our sense of protection over our children which then effects our parenting.

2 – the success that we are focused on is only because we don’t want to fail.

So we parent. We parent hard.

Parenting of our generation believes boosting self esteem comes from constant praise and winning competitions.

We are helicopters. Tigers. Fiercely protective and always there. We are authoritarian, permissive, authoritative.

All in one day sometimes.

We get on the ground with them and push so that they don’t know what it feels like to lose.

We spend thousands of hours making sure they practice everything they are interested in so we don’t miss recognising and developing their talent.

We play-date like speed dates so that they don’t miss out on having friends.

We all just want our kids to be happy right?

Happiness relies on their ability to be able to pick themselves up after they have fallen. 

Life gets messy and we can’t shield them from that. The ones who victor are those who have resilience, who can stand in their own two feet who have connections and independence, the ones that are taught about their emotions, self and are given tools to move through the tougher emotions like disappointment, shame, embarrassment and anger.

Our first instinct is to protect and if we see someone reading better, playing better, or scoring higher than our kids, we went to right that wrong. Because we think the blame is on ourselves. We think that our child might get hurt by recognising that the other child is achieving more.

If they don’t lose sometimes now when the stakes are small, if we always protect them from it, then they are going to fall apart when life hits them with it’s full force. 

We are so terrified of letting something go wrong that we analyse, assess and categorise our children.

We are teaching them to compare but comparison is one of the most fear-inducing and anger-producing analytical skill you can give to anyone. People judge because they are scared. Scared to fail, scared to be less than, scared that they are not enough. So they need to look at others and see their failures to make themselves feel better, and that is where bullying comes in.

And this is what we are doing wrong.

So how do we make it right?

How many of us ask our kids how kind our kid was that day? What did they do to help someone? To make someone smile? What did they learn that could benefit someone else? What were they most interested in?

Let’s stop asking them who they played with, what they learned because we are asking out of fear. Fear that we may uncover a hurt that we can’t make better. Let’s ask them instead what lit them up that day ? Their favourite moment? What they are grateful for.

What would happen if our children stopped being told by us to always focus on themselves? 

Our ego-centric society would start to change. People would start looking out for one an another. Using their talents to help rather than to provide them with status points.

It starts with us.

The other day I learned that my son had been giving one of the kids the “cold shoulder”. One of his mates and a good friend of mine’s little boy. A couple of weeks before that the boy had accidentally hit him with a stick when they were playing in the park. I saw this little boy apologise profusely to my son who was dragging the drama out a little. I thought it was all over but apparently not. My son had been telling him that they were no longer friends. When my son got hurt in the playground, this little boy ran over to see if he was ok and once again he was told by my son they were not friends.

I didn’t know any of this until after and when I learned this I was embarrased, furious and upset. I told my son that he was being unkind,to apologise and to think of how he would feel if that had happened to him. I invited the boy over for a playdate that afternoon expecting drama but all was fine. I remembered being an unforgiving child and I knew this was my fault.

I was reacting to an incident and I hadn’t been proactive in teaching him understanding, empathy, kindness and putting any kind of value on it.

The way we value things are shown in the questions we are asking our children.

Who did you play with? for me translates to “please don’t have been left alone on the playground and be hurt and lonely” and my other questions like, “how many points did you score” “what did you learn” are all gauges to tell if he is doing ok. If there are areas I need to practice with him so that even if he is not the star, he is not the kid that can’t kick the ball or recite that passage in the book.

Fear.

So I’m changing my questions. I believe that knowing yourself, being kind and of service to others is one of the greatest gifts ever given. In kindness and service you find pleasure and satisfaction – what you give out to the world you receive back. In knowing yourself you understand what you, as a unique human being, can give.

Let’s start asking our children:

What are you grateful for?
What really made you happy today?
Who were you kind to? Who could you be more kind to? Do you think anyone you know is sad or having a hard time? If you see someone alone on the playground, do you ask them to play with your group?

What was your favourite moment?

We need to start parenting out of love. Forgetting the media, forgetting the comparisons, forgetting the judgement, looking outside of ourselves and teaching our children the same thing.

The world is bigger than just our potential super-star. The world needs more love, more protection, more kindness and more people to be of service to others. 

And we need to start parenting that way.

 

 

 

 

How To Simplify Your Life

I was at the supermarket this morning and I was speaking to my bread guy, Bruce. Bruce is great. He is probably in his 60’s and does yoga outside, he knows about earthing and even has earthing mats for his bed.

When I went to grab the bread I wanted I had a sudden indecisive moment where I looked at the bread and didn’t recognise it. Was this the bread I usually bought? He tried to steer me in the direction of  another brand and I said, “Oh no, I need this brand, the rest have preservatives.”

He said, “How do you know?”

I said, “Because they have numbers on the ingredients list and this brand doesn’t.”

He said, “I have the book. Do you have the preservatives book?”

I said no I don’t need the book. He was shocked, “But then how do you know?”

Because to simplify my life I don’t need to categorize preservatives or look them up in the book, what I do is just don’t buy items with numbers in the ingredients.

Simple.

If you go to buy a lasagna in the supermarket, all you need to do is compare brands just once to see that some have ingredients that you assume it would have in there, flour, eggs, mince etc and some have that and a whole lot more stuff with a list of numbers in brackets. Just don’t buy that one.

This year has been a bit of a dream run for me. We are in the new house which is totally designed to let the kids run around, we can walk the kids to school, we have a park close by and I keep Mondays free.

Because Monday’s are my reset days. I’m not trying to do activities. I have enjoyed the weekend and now I can prepare for the week. Today I will be washing clothes, cleaning floors and tidying up the house but I kind of love it because I have made space for it in my life.

I can grocery shop a little bit, if I want to, snooze, write, study, meditate, read. Mondays are beautiful. The boys have yoga in the afternoon and when I drop them i can pop into the shops for anything else I need.

Simple.

My boys aren’t doing swimming again until the next summer term because when things are hard, life is hard. So even though I got lessons at the same time and Elijah liked having his own swim. I found that getting three boys out of the pool, dressed and dried at the same time too hard, plus we got home late and then dinner had to be made and kids needed to be bathed as they were freezing. I had started to dread Tuesdays.

Maybe you say, suck it up that’s the way life is.

Or maybe you say, its my life and my choices and if you can make your life beautiful by simplifying then you should do it. 

Do you see empty space and fill up the calendar? I don’t. I need that blank space to embrace the opportunities that life is going to give me this week. Maybe a beautiful spontaneous playdate, time to do my assignment, practice my presentation, give thought and time to any activities we might undertake.

Because when I say yes, I really want to do them. I am committed and present and I show up as my best self.

So to simplify you need to:

Look at where your life is easy : What do you love doing? When does life flow effortlessly for you?

What do you not like doing? What makes life hard? Can you simplify it?

For example if you really don’t like cooking then don’t put pressure on yourself to make really complicated meals. Sometimes an omlette is perfection! With a little cucumber, tomato and cubed cheese on the side its a whole meal. Steak and a salad or steamed veges.

Life is for living.

You make your own choices. You are that powerful.

Use your power wisely.

 

 

 

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